Doesnt it all come down to perceptions ... Beliefs, convictions, conclusions.
I had a very intruiging conversation with a friend of mine over lunch a couple of days back. She believes it still is a man's world. She says , at the end of the day it is the man who will work at anything but family matters, and the woman will take care of the child no matter what... even if its an emergency [child getting sick]!
Now .. I totally disagreed with that. But I heard her out completely and found that her arguments always cropped up from her belief that people never change, their attitudes always remain the same. I say , thats 1 ton of bullshit. Change is a very integral part of everyones life. There's no such thing or event when the change is said to be complete. Your life isnt like some crazy scientists experiment. Its a process, changes / adjustments / sacrifices have to be made. Thats how one moulds his/her character.
About the patriachal society concept... I'd rather work out the differences. Why should one follow the herd. Everyones lives are different... I just cant imagine myself taking charge over all matters. I find it ridiculous to even think about it.
Im very open minded about acknowledging the fact that life is never a smooth sail. I've been through rough patches and have learnt to accept that life can be unfair, one just has to get used to it.
But thats the best part, I'm ready to go through the tough patches.. not that I'm aiming at it. But I percieve it differently. Every fall can be made an opportunity to rise.
Also it isnt the case that Im no longer in good terms with that friend, but I have to say I totally disagree with her notions. I just hope all girls arent like that :)
Over the years as i've become more open minded, I've learnt to enjoy the simple things in life like admire nature. My dad being a psychiatrist had written an article about how the connection between neurons are formed for every thought!
So... if you can spawn a thought and form a neuron connection, why cant you also break it when you want to! Its _your_ brain isnt it !!
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Ur friend has a point to a certain extent..........well answer this question it may put what she was saying into persepctive.........What if a husband and wife earn the same amount of money..........for some reason one of them had to quit his/her job permanantly......cannot get back to it at all ...... ever....who do u think would step up? or would be expected to step up by "SOCIETY" ....dont put urself in that position...think of what a average person in todays society would do....answer this....maybe u will understand what shes sayin.
>>or would be expected to step up by "SOCIETY"
Personally, I would'nt think of what the SOCIETY expects... its my life, my problem, at the end of it all I'm responsible..
The fact that she thinks about how the society expects her to react, itself shows her insecurity.
>>U SAY "Personally, I would'nt think of what the SOCIETY expects... its my life, my problem, at the end of it all I'm responsible.."
If it were only that easy........what U dont seem to realize is that its not only ur life, ur problem and ur responsiblity..........there are other people involved other than ur partner
>>U SAY "Personally, I would'nt think of what the SOCIETY expects... its my life, my problem, at the end of it all I'm responsible.."
If it were only that easy........what U dont seem to realize is that its not only ur life, ur problem and ur responsiblity..........there are other people involved other than ur partner....maybe ur family for instance maybe ur partners famiy too.........u seem to living in an utopian world which is a gud thing i guess......but only to a certain extent
well in any case if such a situation were to occur im sure it would be the girl who would step up......and theres no two ways bout that....thats just the way they are and we arent.
No I dont live in a Utopian world , I'm just open to "change" and am looking forward to a synergizing relationship.
If there's no win-win, then its no deal.
And no , I would'nt marry anyone who's family is soo conservative.
I would make that clear in the first place...I mean c'mon what kind of a family would that be if only the girl is expected to step up.
I find these notions _really_ orthodox and outright stupid and I feel very strongly about this. So, before making anything _final_ with "her" , these issues _have_ to be taken care of.
If my family can be so open, I'm sure there are many others who'd agree. We're not soo unique.
I think it doesnt matter who steps up...it shouldnt be an issue of clashing egos. If two people love each other deeply (ideally) y the hell wld anyone care who steps up as long as they are doing it for the greater good. N if the society expects someone to step up, it should be the right one...n i guess our society has matured enough to understand that. N those who think that it hasnt...i term them orthodox, n i dont care if they are 90% of the lot.
Kudos to you parag !
What we have here is some geek resonance. ;)
Apparantly the "society" hasnt really matured enough.
But it doesnt matter to me.
and good luck finding someone who thinks like you from among the ten other people in this world that do.
and better luck having a *satisfying* relationship with them.
don't get me wrong. this is not a rant. it is not a criticism of your beliefs. i've found myself nodding and smiling wryly throughout your diatribe(if i may call it that) because these are my thought exactly. society? what the fuck is that? i will live my life the way i want to, and if you don't like it, well, take a hike.
but, the sad truth is, most people are so closetted by society, elders, parents and peers, that they're afraid to change their congenital beliefs in fear of being ostracized by society.
there is however, another surprising fact. one that'll creep up slowly but surely into your utopian ideals. people who think like you, ashwin, are usually so independent and selfish(not meant as a derogatory reference) that they become unwilling to compromise. and compromise *is* the foundation of any relationship.
that should explain my *satisfying* reference at the beggining o this post. you will find people like you want to. maybe you'll fall in love and go out. hopefully your egos won't clash.and you will live happily ever after.i really hope that for you.
but then again, maybe you won't. and then, maybe just then, you'll wish you had someone who was a little more of a doormat, someone more compromising et al.
but i'm rambling here. good luck and carpe diem man.hope you get your heart's desire.
>>become unwilling to compromise.
huh !?
Whats the matter with you !
I've been stressing on the fact that "change" is an integral part of a relationship , and that I believe in being flexible... which is basically why I think its not always the case that the girl should stand up !
Obviously you havent read my post properly.
and obviously you didn't read my comment properly.
i meant the *other* person becomes unwilling to compromise. and by other people, i mean like minded people. and of course, it's a generalisation, like when you say, the pakistanis are bastards. of course, *all* pakistanis are not bastards.
so, chill man, stop being so defensive. and the least you can do before accusing people of not reading your posts is to read their comments in their *entirity*...and take the context in the large picture.
or it'll turn into a case of not seeing the forest for the trees.
>>people who think like you, ashwin, are usually so independent >>.and selfish(not meant as a derogatory reference) that they >>become unwilling to compromise. and compromise *is* the >>foundation of any relationship.
>>i meant the *other* person becomes unwilling to compromise. and >>by other people, i mean like minded people.
Well , what can I say , you could have framed it better ...
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