Saturday, May 02, 2009

Thinking at the speed of thoughts

Every now and then I question myself if I'm being too judgmental about someone. I realize it can't be completely avoided and shouldn't be either. Moderation is the principle here, I thinketh. So, quite naturally the next questions to follow would be whom to judge, how much, and when. Maybe even why. Somehow I feel this maybe the wrong way to look at this. Instead, how about looking into oneself and defining a perimeter of sorts. This perimeter could be formed by questions like "what would the other person have to do, to /cross-the-line/". So then, you could simply keep this perimeter in the back of the mind when you meet someone and get judgmental only if he/she crosses that perimeter. I think many of us already do this, quite subconsciously. The perimeter is defined by the values we were brought up/around in. But I still feel I tend to forget this every now and again. This leads to misinterpretations and occasionally improper reactions. When I realize this later, it invariably hurts me more than it does to the other. Of course there could be other reasons for those reactions, depends on the circumstances at the time. 

I think looking at things with this angle, could help keep the mind clearer. At times, I thought the best way to deal with human interactions is to find something else that you are deeply passionate about. That way, nothing else can really bother you, coz the state of flow is easily attainable whilst doing that /thing/, and in flow, everything is timeless. But clearly, this is almost like running away from problems (more like papering-over-it). Having that passionate activity certainly helps to maintain balance, but I think dealing with another human being needs some effort and careful thought. 

Now here's the crazy thing. Malcom Gladwell says in one of his books, that when humans are conversing or even around each other, they tend to send these /instructions/ into each other, through words, body language etc. When two people understand what the other is exactly talking about, there's usually another connection at a much deeper level. These connections enable people to empathize. At the climax of such a harmonious connection, is that conversational /flow/. I find this extremely interesting and want to have this skill. But, more often that not, I end up thinking about this while conversing and as an inevitable result mess up the chances for any /flow/. It's like trying to concentrate on something while thinking about whether you are concentrating or not. It needs to be natural, almost instinctive. 

Thats is the mighty confusing part. And that is why I end up judging people, often wrongly. This sort of judging isn't harmful in so far as I can see. But clearly it's just a distraction. Therefore, if I aim to keep things simple in my head about such interactions, it should help to get into the flow of conversations. 

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


I'm almost done with my masters at pennstate now so I thought I should probably look back and see how I feel about stuff. While thinking about it, I turned to my much ignored blog and read all the earlier posts. At the end of it, I think I just ended up reconfirming that I can be soo geeky. Well, so be it.

Here's the interesting thing I found. I've actually been achieving most of the stuff I'd set out to achieve but completely forgotten about along the way. I won't bore you with the details. By 'you' , I actually mean any computer out there which parses the internet to check for any security threats, coz I know no human really reads anything I write out here. ;)

Quite ironic that I set goals, forget about them, but actually achieve them at some point in time. I guess this is good, coz maybe it means I am not satisfied easily with things as they are. Looks as though, I dont really set goals, but instead set out to do things that would be nice to have in me, in my life. That way, I dont really have a single tracked mindset to achieve goals, but instead have a broader perspective to acquire something that I find nice.

Was it all worthwhile ? hell yea. If I can look back and conclude I was stupid back then, it means I'm smarter now. So I guess I'm v26. 

What changed ? quite a lot. I think my hair is whiter than before. I have more facial hair, not quite as much as it normally should have been, but getting there. I can sit at one place for 1.5 hrs. I have mastered the art of flicking a frisbee in ways you thought was not possible. I have learned to optimize the use of underwear so I can postpone laundry time without buying any new underwear. No, it's not the switching sides and inside out trick. It's a combination of wearing boxers and normal undies. Also, wearing t-shirts more often saves the pain of ironing shirts, which also means, you dont have to wash those shirts coz you never really wear them that often.

hm. what else.

I picked up some skills on the guitar with a plectrum. This meant relearning some skills, coz I learnt to play with fingers when I started initially. I can read faster. Cooking is still challenging, but atleast I started. 

nuff said. btw, the undies thing, I just do that when laundry must be deferred due to work or weather. Just saying so you dont get the wrong ideas. Wow, I must remember no human reads this, I should not need to clarify.

oh well. Whats next ? Lets see, I will be moving to NC in 3 weeks. Really looking forward to starting a new life there. This time I'm going to make it different. I want to live a more balanced life. Meet ppl, play sports, learn new skills. The main goal for this year is to really figure out my mechanism to get into 'flow' in everything I do.



Wednesday, March 04, 2009

WTF moment

I've been wondering about this for quite sometime now and I thought I should just write this down. The /thing/ in question follows from some self reflection and introspection. There, thats your warning. I'm quite a boring person in general and so I highly recommend you google for an image of fluffy kittens if you're a girl or watch some pRon instead, if you're a guy.

The real question to me has always been: Why? Why do we do things we do? What makes us do them? This includes implusive decisions, snap judgments, long term motivations and so on. Does the understanding of these ulterior subtle motivations define ones /character/ ? Does everything have such a motivation, nasty or noble as it may be ? Where is the fine line between genetics controlling your actions or thoughts and your pre-frontal cortex generated ones ?

If its your brain and your brain constructs neurotic connections for every thought then can you undo those connections ? Do these connections lead to other coritical goo and manifest later as actions ?

Has the internet and social networking craze made us zombies incapable of making choices ? Actually, substitute the two things above with your favourite distraction causing external influences. If we can still make these choices, what drives us to make those choices ? herd mentality ? wannabe-differentness ? If these are the reasons, are they really /choices/ we make or being made for us ?

Is it a good idea to always choose ?

Friday, January 23, 2009

The Stone

I rarely do this .. but this time.. an exception.. :D

I've this creeping 
Suspicion that things are not as they seem 
Reassure me 
Why do I feel as if I'm in too deep 
I've been praying 
For some way to show them 
I'm not what they see 
Yes I have done wrong 
But what I did I thought needed be done 
I swear 
Unholy day 
If I leave now I might get away 
This weighs on me 
As heavy as stone and as blue as I go 
I was just wondering if you'd come along 
To hold up my head when my head won't hold on 
I'll do the same if the same's what you want 
If not I'll go 
I will go alone 
I'm a long way 
From that fool's mistake and now forever pay 
No, run 
I will run and I'll be ok 
I was just wondering if you'd come along 
To hold up my head when my head won't hold on 
I'll do the same if the same's what you want 
If not I'll go 
I will go alone 
I need so 
To stay in your arms see you smile hold you close 
And it weighs on me 
As heavy as stone and a bone chilling cold 
I was just wondering if you'd come along 
Tell me you will 

--Dave Matthews Band